sick day

I am taking a sick day from class and from work. Am I just running away from my problems? I don’t know. I just need time to think and put things into perspective. Last night I didn’t get any answers. Nothing was resolved. But I know what I want…I think. I wish I wasn’t so over dramatic. I wish a lot of things actually, but thats kind of how I am in life. Maybe I’m never completely satisfied with things. But the thing is, I want to be. I really do. I am trying my damned hardest to be…its just hard when the other person is telling you not to.

Honestly, I don’t know what I want anymore.  And the fact that I have someone who is so worried about me and wants me to accomplish so much just makes me love him even more. Seriously. So, I did something today that I really haven’t done before… I looked at graduate schools. All the deadlines are passed for next year, which I expected anyway, but I still wanted to look at options. For now, because I have no residency at the moment, I’m thinking about moving out to CA (and no, not just for that reason, but it’s a good incentive). If I move out to CA, I will have legal residency and only have to pay in-state tuition ($9,651…which of course will go up). For the next year I can take more literature classes and work a lot, and then maybe by the following year, apply to Davis. It’s a long shot, I know, but I think I’d have a chance. And it’s also a lot of money, but it’s a heck of a lot less than PUC. lol.

I don’t know. It’s an option I’m thinking of taking. I don’t want to leave here. I don’t want to give up. And if I can do both, then that is awesome. …But who knows what will happen, all this is way in the future.