subtle existence

swim fishy, swim!

subtlexistence — Sat, 12 Jul 2008 20:24:44 +0000

I decided yesterday that I am going to give up eating fish. I already became semi-vegetarian back in November/December, but I still liked fish–especially because I LOVE sushi. But I started learning some things about fish yesterday and realized I can’t eat fish for the reasons why I am vegetarian. I chose to become vegetarian because I cannot support the extreme animal cruelty that is taken place at slaughter houses. I also know it is much healthier for me to not eat meat.

So, some things I learned about fish:

1. Fish are a lot smarter than people think. I sometimes lied to myself, thinking that fish had tiny brains and it wasn’t a big deal. But, studies have come out that fish have the same brain capacity as dogs.

2. Fish flesh today is badly contaminated with toxic chemicals that are known to cause cancer and brain degeneration and is also the most likely of all foods to make you sick from bacterial contamination. Yum!

3. Fish accumulate toxic mercury in their flesh as a result of industrial pollution, and the side effects of mercury posioning include finger curling, cognitive impairment, and coordination problems.

4. You can still get omega-3 fatty acids from foods like walnuts and flaxseeds, which are a lot safer for you.

5. Fish are still tortured when caught. Which makes me so mad is that there are no regulations or rules based on how to treat fish. They have no rights at all. So, fishermen are allowed to hook a fish and gut it while it is still conscious without even a slap on the wrist. That is appalling! They are frozen to death, or crushed by the weight of being piled on top of one another.

6. And finally, “dolphin safe” is about the biggest crock. Even if they are not caught in nets, they may be hit by propellers while trying to feed on fish, they may be driven into shallow water, and fishermen may slaughter them anyway.

From pictures I’ve seen on how fish a treated, don’t think I can eat another sushi roll (unless it’s vegetarian!) =) My next step will be to become vegan… but I think that will take more time.

the ugly yellow vest

subtlexistence — Sat, 05 Jul 2008 20:19:09 +0000

France has created a new safety law from drivers, in which all cars must carry yellow triangles and a yellow vest at all times. I found this new ad, using fashion designer Karl Lagerfeld to support the law, quite amusing.

Translation: It’s yellow, it’s ugly, it doesn’t go with anything (else), but it can save your life.

age is just a number

subtlexistence — Tue, 01 Jul 2008 06:06:12 +0000

I was training for cashiering today and Geoff was next to me training someone for bartending, so I got to listen to him a lot and get information. I told him I wanted to learn bartending as soon as possible, to which one of the cooks laughed and said I wasn’t old enough. I told him that I was, and when I told him my age after not believing that I was old enough, he acted as if I had told him I was really a boy. “You look fourteen!” I’ve gotten this all my life, that I don’t look my age. It used to piss me off…every teenager wants to look older, not younger. But, I’m starting to embrace it now. I don’t need to look older, and I figure in 10 years, when I DONT want to look my age, I can look 10 years younger…. hopefully lol.

and i’m back

subtlexistence — Sun, 29 Jun 2008 05:08:38 +0000

Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass… It’s about learning to dance in the rain…

Its been a really long time since I last posted here – almost one month. Lately I just have felt nothing has been worth posting. I feel kind of blah in general and nothing has been inspiring me lately. I had a really crappy day today (which is not worth posting either). I popped 2 of my tires due to some fucking idiot, but I’d rather not talk about it. It’s in the past and I’m out $250.

I started painting again. There have been 3 canvases sitting in my closet for over a year now, and I finally decided to entertain myself with them. They aren’t that great, but I like being able to make something that is my own and have a final project that I am proud of. Hopefully some sort of inspiration will come out of it.

Anyway, I will begin posting again with stuff that is actually worth while reading…. hopefully something meaningful or something.

Until then…..

how my day ended

subtlexistence — Thu, 05 Jun 2008 07:06:03 +0000

I think what is sometimes better than receiving gifts is just having the acknowledgment and knowing that someone cares enough to do something for you. I got to my room today and found a “happy graduation” letter from my Grandpa on my desk. After reading it, I wasn’t able to hold back the tears-not because of the check he included with the card, but because this is the first time I have ever received anything just from him. And that meant more to me than the money. When I was little and my Grandma was still alive, she would do all the gifts and cards. After her death, I could tell that everything from my Grandpa was really just from my aunt Bonnie, who just wrote his name on it. But this time, it was from him. The card was written in his handwriting. Even the envelope. And that made my day.

panic!

subtlexistence — Thu, 29 May 2008 18:10:58 +0000

Last night I had a panic attack. All of a sudden every negative emotion I was feeling hit me at once and I couldn’t handle it. I haven’t had a panic attack this bad since high school I think. I’ve had some bad ones, but I thought they had gone away. It hasn’t completely gone away. I had a good friend kind of talk me through it, and helped calm me down a little. I’m still somewhat shaky… I just need some time.

terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

subtlexistence — Wed, 14 May 2008 08:11:57 +0000

Today was a horrible horrible day for me. I am graduating this June and for the past couple months have been trying to decide what to do after school. I finally started to put some plans together, and my parents decide they want to “give me some advice,” which really means we don’t like the decision you made and want you to do something else. Don’t get me wrong, I understand that my parents are only trying to protect me and guide me. Yet, their choices for my life are not what I want to do right now. The hardest part about all of this is that I always try to take my parents advice and do what they tell me to because I want them to be happy with me. I am a people pleaser, I know this. So, it is a very big deal for me to go against their advice and do my own thing. But, I have thought long and hard about this for months now and believe that my decision is good. It is important that my parents support my decisions… but even if they don’t support this one, I’m still going to do it. It’s both liberating and terrifying at the same time.

my religion

subtlexistence — Thu, 01 May 2008 04:25:52 +0000

I’ve been taking a class this quarter called American Denominations. I’ve always been quite fascinated by other beliefs, so as hard as this class is, I absolutely love it. One thing I’ve begun to realize while taking this class is that I have taken beliefs from other religions and incorporated it into my own, while still retaining my own religion. Over the weekend, I had a conversation with Tim and Jon about the difference between our community and our beliefs, and as complicated as it is for me to understand, it makes so much sense. Adventism is my community – I grew up Adventist, I go to church on Saturday, I am vegetarian, I have all these understandings that make me apart of this community. And then, there are my absolute beliefs, which most likely are different from everyone else’s. There are the Adventist beliefs that I strongly hold onto – Sabbath, 2nd Coming, Jesus Christ, etc. But, I realized I am very Pentecostal in some ways. I have a very spiritualist view of life, and find spiritualism to be a very powerful thing. I also find the Native American belief that God is in everything to be quite beautiful… although, this is a little more confusing, but I do see the divine in everything, I just don’t worship the thing itself. I love meditation, and sometimes find myself having Hindu beliefs as well. I am at that stage in my life where I am trying to find what fits for me, and right now, I find so much beauty in all religions. I want to intake everything. I believe you can take so many things from different religions and incorporate it into your life to be closer to God. I don’t think that there is one true correct way to worship God. I enjoy many forms of worship. If it brings me closer to my God, how in the world could it be wrong?? It’s not. That’s what is so beautiful about God.

getting over the hump

subtlexistence — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 08:40:50 +0000

It’s taken me a while to post a new blog… much less write one. Half the time I would just look at the blank screen, and think, what the heck do I write?! My life is one big writer’s block right now. But the only way to get over the hump is just start writing I suppose.

Iphigenia 2.0 has been an interesting experience. I have learned a lot. I’ve also had many frustrations, but I’m working through them. Mei Ann told me that she can see a lot of improvement in my acting, which is quite possibly one of the best compliments I’ve ever received. I don’t think this is a play that takes me out of my comfort zone, but I am learning a lot about technique, movement, expression, as well as how to work with others in a chorus. Between Iphigenia and my Bay Area Theater class, I being engulfed with theater, and I love it. The BATS class gives me a chance to watch others perform and learn so many techniques. “Tragedy: A Tragedy” taught me that movement is not always necessary in order to make a great impact on an audience. This was a play that was completely naturalistic, with all 4 actors staying positioned in their corner, yet the play made such an impression on the audience. “The Trojan Women,” on the other hand, had a great amount of movement and floor pattern with their chorus, and in the same way this made a great impression on me (regardless of what some people might say)

And also, I am going camping this weekend. Sadly enough, this is my first time camping….. so I don’t know what to expect (except maybe a really cold night lol). Twill be interesting.

There is more that I want to write now, but sleep is calling my name. More later.

spring break awesomeness

subtlexistence — Tue, 01 Apr 2008 07:29:20 +0000

It’s been a while since I’ve posted anything. But thats because I had an amazing spring break…and then my computer died on me (so I have to borrow my roommates for the time being). The quarter ended on a fairly good note. Unfortunately, I lowered my gpa a little, so that bummed me out. So, I’ll have to work my butt off to raise it back up again.

Half of spring break was spent up at school. I borrowed a friend’s room to sleep and did pretty much nothing besides sleep, watch TONS of Lost (I’m finally on season 2), and take trips to Napa. Uneventful, but I definitely needed to veg for a while. Then, on Tuesday, Tim and I drove down to Anaheim at 6:45 am (right after he got off work). We got in by 2 pm and pretty much crashed. On Wed, we spent the entire day at Disneyland & California Adventures. I wish I could write about how amazing it all was and how exciting the rides were and how much I just loooooove Disneyland, but that would take way too much time. We hit up pretty much every ride in one day, and by midnight our legs were really sore. Thursday, JohnO joined up with us, and we took it a little more leisurely, searching for hidden Mickeys, watching the Fantasmic show and one of the parades, and actually sitting for a while. And, it was good. We left around 11ish, and drove over to John’s house to spend the night. And we also played Super Mario Party on his Wii, which is so sweet. I want one now. John made us breakfast, which was soooo good Then we took off to Malibu to see Brandon and grab some Thai food. We headed up the coast and got into SF on Saturday. Of course, we couldn’t pass up the city since we were already in the area, and ended up spending way too much money at American Apparel We got into Angwin around midnight and I crashed. But, this was probably the best spring break that I’ve ever had. I couldn’t ask for a better one… now I just need to work and make all that money back that I spent :p