how my day ended

I think what is sometimes better than receiving gifts is just having the acknowledgment and knowing that someone cares enough to do something for you.  I got to my room today and found a “happy graduation” letter from my Grandpa on my desk.  After reading it, I wasn’t able to hold back the tears-not because of the check he included with the card, but because this is the first time I have ever received anything just from him.  And that meant more to me than the money.  When I was little and my Grandma was still alive, she would do all the gifts and cards.  After her death, I could tell that everything from my Grandpa was really just from my aunt Bonnie, who just wrote his name on it.  But this time, it was from him.  The card was written in his handwriting. Even the envelope. And that made my day.

Expectations

“When your love is pure or spiritual, there is no demand, no expectation. There is only the sweetest feeling of spontaneous oneness with the human being or beings concerned.”

- Sri Chinmoy

Social anthropologists often describe many human relationships like a contract – we give our love to a person and at the same time we subconsciously place all kinds of expectations on that person which we want them to fulfill. And then when the other person fails to sufficiently satisfy our demands (which will definitely happen from time to time – we’re all imperfect) we feel let down and angry with the person, our insecurity and fear of not being loved come to the fore, and we often resort to some kind of emotional manipulation to try and get them to fulfill our demands.

True love, on the other hand is like the sun. The sun shines its rays and gives its warmth to all, without anything in return. This may sound like naivety, but when we live in the heart we feel exactly like the sun does – we just want spread our love and goodwill anywhere we can. With this kind of love we have detachment – we have no fixed ideas about what way this love should be taken by others, the mere act of giving love satisfies our heart immensely.

I know that I sometimes have difficulty with this – I think everyone does from time to time. It’s very difficult for me, as I am a person who bases all of my happiness on other people and their perception of me.  But, I believe if I work on not expecting so much from others and still loving, I will be a much happier person.

love makes the world go round

It’s not Valentine’s Day anymore, but I decided to make a V-Day post anyway. This year, it was spent in Stauffer Hall as I rehearsed for 6 hours… but to be honest, I really enjoyed it. I’m going to miss this play so much once it’s over. I’ll miss working with Jonathan, Zoe, and Harrison a LOT. I am so tempted to try out for Iphigenia 2.0!! (Unfortunately work is a higher priority).

Anyway, I’ve never been too big with the whole Valentine’s Day thing, mostly because nothing great has ever occurred on that day for me. So, it was pretty awesome when my boyfriend gave me a bronze and black cast-iron tea pot. =) Seriously, you have no idea how damn sweet that is. I absolutely love it!

I think another reason why I’m not into the frilly chocolate and balloons of Valentine’s Day is because it’s just a ploy from stores to buy more crap (don’t get me wrong, I like flowers as much as the next girl) ….but apparently this will show each other how much you love and care for them. But, shouldn’t we be doing that every day? Why should one day be more significant than all the rest to show each other how much you care for them? That’s why I’m not too keen on the whole Valentine’s Day thing. If you truly care and love someone, you can prove it by how you act towards them. If you’re saving it for one special day, however, you’re just a phony.

Some days I live for someone else
I can’t tell you what I feel,
what I felt
an hour ago or even in the last few minutes
you take my mind and
spin it and I don’t want to slow back down.

I won’t stray; you’ve found
the way to keep me;
and I’m living at such high velocity
that I may permanently leave the ground.
Ethereal; this wrapped sound
in the sky.
You take my mind and spin it and I don’t want to slow back down

And I may never want to get off the ride,
I may never want to come back inside.
And you can bet you’re on my mind,
In the music and brushstrokes and sky.
And you don’t even have to try